"It ain't gonna be pretty/But you're not alone..."

In all the goings on this week, this month, and this year, I keep coming back to the same paradox--the call to maintain a heart full of hope in a world full of pain and brokenness. In my head I know that life is not hopeless, that there is a greater purpose, that there will eventually be healing for the broken and rest for the weary. In my heart I feel that sometimes life is trudging through one trial after another, one unfortunate event after the next.

There is so much that I don't understand. So many problems that I can't fix. So many hurting people whom I can't heal. I am tired--tired of brokenness, tired of confusion, tired of trudging, tired of feeling guilty for being tired.

And then ...I was reminded today that I am not the only one who is broken. I am not alone in this struggle.

It may be unorthodox, but Over the Rhine helped me a bit today. Actually, I should say that I believe that ultimately, God is helping me process this paradox...but today's processing was aided by Over the Rhine. I could keep writing in an effort to explain what went through my mind as I listened to this song and realized what was actually being communicated through the song. I think I'm just going to post the song and let you listen to it. It is beautiful.
"All My Favorite People"--Over the Rhine


Still learning to hope,
Caitlin

The Long Surrender and the Road Less Traveled

The Long Surrender--not only is it a beautiful album by Over the Rhine (please give it a listen, you won't regret it! Seriously, it's going to be on repeat in my room for the next 788 days...it's that good!) but it's also where I've been and where I'm going. The path of surrender has taken me down a rather circuitous route, and today as I am preparing to make what feels like a pretty crazy decision I am both confused and at peace. I hope to one day look back on this journey and be able to recognize the purpose of each detour--to see how each road block equipped me for the next--the next step, the next path, or sometimes the next road block.

Until I arrive at the point of understanding, I'll keep moving forward.

Today, it's the long surrender, the road less traveled, and possibly Mongolia for me.

From Scratch: True Confessions of an Overly-Invested Gardener

There's a lot of seeds for posts germinating in my mind these days. Summer has the tendency to do that to me. So many possibilities, and so many different directions for my mind to wander...so many different thoughts and adventures I'm often unsure what to do with myself! It's a beautiful, beautiful problem to have.

Today I am half inspired herb gardener, half organization freak. Since I'm sure you don't want to read about my organizational woes, let me tell you about the herbs!

I am really into starting things from scratch. It's one of my favorite obsessions. If I can do it myself, I'm going to do it myself! For example, one year I started a sourdough starter from scratch and then had tons of fun finding sourdough recipes to use throughout the year. For those of you who don't know what it means to start a starter...well, let's just say it involved yeast and pineapple juice and flour and daily "feedings." That should give you an idea of how crazy I am about starting from square one. Seriously, if I could figure out a feasible way to make my own yarn, I would be the happiest person ever right now. (I know, I could start raising sheep...but that's a whole new level of starting from scratch, and I don't really want to go there.)

This year Zach and I celebrated two years of Zach and Caitlinishness. I knew exactly what I wanted to give him to commemorate this awesome feat--an herb garden! Now, growing things is a bit outside of my normal operating procedure. My roommates and I have an African violet, which my responsible roommate typically cares for, while I check it for dampness about every other week. So despite my lack of experience, I planted the tiny seeds in tiny pots and set them in the tiny greenhouse, hoping and praying that love would win and that herbs would grow. AND GROW THEY DID! I have never felt so excited about plants in my entire life.

Caring for these herbs has been a journey. I handed them over to Zach on our anniversary, and gave him pretty detailed instructions but still feared that they would die. They didn't die and are now back in my loving care while Zach is busy doing journalist things this summer. I am a little bit overly invested in these plants. If they don't make it through the summer, I am not sure what I am going to do with myself. My goal is to see these plants flourishing by the end of the summer. If I accomplish this, I will be one happy girl.

If I myself am flourishing by the end of the summer, I will be ecstatic.

So here's to summer, to possibilities, to starting from scratch, and to growing--one of the most exciting processes to watch and to endure!